I can’t deal with people asking me for my notes or to study with me so they can pretty much use me for my notes. 

This one guy keeps asking me and I keep trying to dodge it. In high school, there were so many times where people used me for my notes or homework or study guides and I generally didn’t say no to anyone. But now I’m all “Dude. I went to these classes. I took these notes. I cared. You didn’t. If your work shows poor performance it is probably a reflection of poor participation and involvement. And I’m not to blame for that.”

Sure, it’s as easy as sending an email. Copy. Paste. Send. Right? But then it becomes “Can you help me with this paper?” or “Can I borrow $50?” or “id onrtewkl owh wherrrrrrrrri am. Helppppmkpe????” (aka drunk texts asking for some help). Like, I like working alone. I like studying alone. I like writing alone. I like making things on my own. I take care of my shit on on my own. I rarely ask for people to help me. My brother would go running to my dad asking questions about his English papers or his accounting homework. I just did what I had to do, no questions or requests asked. 

I mean, I’m a generally helpful person. But this is what I’m passionate about and if you plan on loafing around I have no sympathy for you. 

I have no motivation to do my work, but I’m dreading upcoming tests and assignments. I’m not thinking during my fencing bouts and making stupid mistake repeatedly. I’m lying that I’m “just tired”. I’m still sad about Josephine. It’s just not a very good time right now. 

But I put some “sexy” underwear on in an attempt to make me feel better. I’m not really sure what the correlation between those two things is but it was worth a try. 

Last post about Calculus! LAST POST ABOUT CALCULUS!

My relationship has been Love/Hate with this class and subject. The torment is finally over tomorrow! School work will be officially done, and it will end with Calculus.

Here is Sara with a mustache! :D

MERRRRRRRRRRR

I JUST WANT TO WATCH MONSTERS INC. BUT I HAVE TO WRITE THIS DUMB PAPER FOR PSYCHOLOGY.

It makes me sad because I love that movie, but it makes me angry because it’s like “WTF TEACHERS. I’ve got a day and a half left of high school! Leave me alone already.”

And, it’s like,

In psychology, we started learning about Operant Conditioning. Starting next week, the class is starting a six week self experiment where we need to condition ourselves to resist a habit.

I’m finding this very hard. I have no real habits that I think need changing. Some girls have problems with nail biting or cracking their knuckles or telling white lies. For me, there are no habit that I really need to change or ones that could be detrimental to my health, mental stability, reputation, etc.

So maybe I shake my leg in class. Or I doodle. Or I crack my jaw because it’s a little fucked up. These things are sort of an integral part of me and they aren’t hurting anyone, let alone me. Regardless, I need to find a habit before next week.

I would do it on being a stalkerish stalker-creep but I think it would be a really embarrassing report to have to explain why I have that habit. That’s just a little too personal… Kind of. I doubt my teacher would want to hear about it anyway.

My hands smell like potatoes. I still have no thesis, which is due tomorrow.

But I did get a 94 on my Bones test for Anatomy.

My kitchen smells like a mixture of fish and vanilla. It’s really odd and yet I’m sitting in here on my tumblr and really wanting the pumpkin muffins that are on the counter. I think I also want pancakes…

Who knows what I’m going to do. I feel really lazy right now as if I have something to do and yet I can’t think of it. Maybe something I can get ahead on? I find it strange and I suppose fortunate that I get to sleep at a decent time while others stay up all night working. I don’t think I could do that more than a few times a month just because I like my sleep and if I don’t get it I’m like an ogre on the kill.

I’ve inhaled way to many things today (and no, this is not a drug reference). First it was the scratch board dust that I made by using steel wool on it, and now the steel wool is embedded in my hands in a most uncomfortable way, and then there was the “Fantastic” spray that I used to clean my desk off after Studio Art. I walked out of the classroom with that spray bottle and didn’t realize until my friendpointed it out. I’m so forgetful. Lastly, I inhaled saw dust after school from stage crew. It is all over my knee socks. Joy!

That is all for me. I’m going to continue sitting in my vanilla fish kitchen and make some food. Sounds about right to me.