My dad needed my help to figure out what temperature the oven should be to make frozen tatter tots.
The temperature is written in the instructions on the package.
Deduction: My father will no survive an apocalypse. This is infallible proof.
At a Lacrosse Game
- Hopkins Student 1: (yelling to player) Hey! You run like a girl!
- Hopkins Student 2: Woah. Dude. You can't even say that. Our women's cross country team, like, won something.
- Hopkins Student 1: Oh. You're right. They are like the NCAA Champs. In that case... Run like a Hopkins girl!
So my mom is at this body building event helping my one aunt who owns a tanning company and also sells jewelry.
My (other) aunt got a little photoshop happy.
Yes. Those are my parents.
In my class today, a guy tried to cover up his fart with a sneeze/cough. But the fart was too loud so it didn’t even matter.
Of course all the guys around him started laughing. And, of course, this all happened in the middle of what I was saying. At first, I didn’t really get phased by the fart because farting is a normal human process. But then his friend sort of whispered to him, “You can’t sneeze from your asshole!”
And then we all kind of laughed a bit.
The things I did to my girlfriend.
It started with a bra and some Skippy peanut butter…
And then all hell broke loose.
Aww man, the things I can get away with while Jackie is a computer. While she is my computer girlfriend. She get’s all the underwear and peanut butter.
But sadly, none of the cuddles. That is what pen and paper are for.